Hey Psych2Goers.
嗨 大家好
Are you currently in a relationship
你是否正处在一段
you feel isn’t working out?
没有结果的感情中？
You may be trying your best
也许你正竭尽全力地
to save what’s left of the relationship
抓住这段感情的残影
and are making sure you’re making the right decision.
并确信自己的决定是正确的
But sometimes it’s better to have a good, healthy separation with someone
但有时 与一个人和平友好地分手
rather than staying in a dying relationship.
好过维持一段垂死的感情
This is why it’s helpful to understand some signs
这就是了解某人可能并不适合你的迹象
that someone may not be for you.
会对你有所帮助的原因
So here are a few signs.
这里列举几种情况
Number one.
第一
You feel like you can’t be yourself around them.
你感觉在对方身边无法做自己
Which parts of yourself do you change when you’re with a person?
和对方在一起时 你改变了哪些？
Is it a certain personality trait of yours,
是改变了你某种性格特点
your looks, your style?
还是你的外表和风格？
Why?
为什么？
You may feel like this because you’re afraid of them viewing you in a certain way.
你会这样感觉是因为你害怕他们用某种眼光看你
This is not a good sign
这可不是好迹象
because it means that you think that
因为这意味着在你看来
they are only attracted to a certain idea of you.
对方只是喜欢你的某一部分
If you feel like you have to alter a part of yourself
如果你觉得你必须改变自己的某个方面
just to meet another person’s standards or to be of value,
来满足他人的标准或称为有价值的人
you might be going through a personal problem brought on by self-esteem issues.
你也许会面临因自尊受挫引发的个人问题
This type of behavior may be improved
这类行为可以通过与伴侣
by talking to your partner, friends, family, or a mental health professional.
朋友 家人以及专业心理咨询师沟通改善
Please remember that you’re beautiful just the way you are
请记住 你原本的样子就很美
and your self-worth isn’t determined by the way you look.
你的自我价值不应由外表来定义
Number two.
第二
You always initiate conversations and dates.
主动聊天和约会的人总是你
Are you always texting them first?
是不是先发消息的人总是你？
Is it you who always reaches out to them
是不是先联系对方的人总是你？
and asks what they’re doing, how their day was,
也总是你先问对方在干嘛 过得怎样
or if they wanna go out?
或者要不要出去玩？
Does it feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort?
是不是感觉付出的人只有你一个？
Someone being indifferent towards your efforts
对方对你的付出视而不见
can actually have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
这确实会对你的自尊心造成负面影响
Not having open, healthy communication in your relationship
在感情里无法健康和坦诚地沟通
may cause anxiety and self-blame.
会导致我们焦虑和自责
Bring this issue up with your partner to understand each other’s sides of the stories
和你的伴侣讨论一下 了解彼此的想法
and find solutions.
并找到解决方式
If this type of behavior doesn’t change after a while,
如果这种行为在一段时间后没有改变
it’s probably an indication
可能就暗示着
that this person really isn’t for you
这个人真的不适合你
because you’re worth more than a half-hearted relationship.
因为比起一段不上心的感情 你值得更好
Number three.
第三
You don’t feel their trust.
你感觉不到对方的信任
Do they often threaten you with breaking up
对方是否经常威胁你如果做了
if you do something they don’t like?
他不喜欢的事就跟你分手？
Are they the overly jealous type?
对方是十分善妒的类型吗？
Have you been forbidden to talk to specific people
你是否因为另一半不喜欢某些人
because your partner doesn’t like them?
而被禁止与这些人说话？
Your partner not trusting you
对方不信任你
may be a manifestation of their own insecurity.
可能是其自身缺乏安全感的表现
This might stem from many possible causes
这可能源于许多原因
like childhood upbringing or bad experiences in the past.
比如童年接受的教育或过去糟糕的经历
It’s encouraged to talk to them about this behavior
你应该和对方谈谈这种行为
and tell them how you feel when they try to micromanage you.
当对方试图管控你时告诉对方你的感受
You may also get help by encouraging them to talk to you,
你也可以通过鼓励对方与你 与所爱的人
their loved ones, or a therapist.
或者理疗师交谈来获得帮助
If their behavior doesn’t change after a while,
如果对方的行为在一段时间后没有改变
then it’s probably best to give them some space
那么最好给对方一些空间
to sort out their own problems by themselves.
让对方独自解决自己的问题
Number four.
第四
You fight instead of having healthy arguments.
你们吵架而非健康地争论
Arguments, if done right,
争论 如果处理得当
are healthy parts of a relationship.
就是感情中健康的部分
They can promote individuality, openness, and respect between partners.
争论可以促进伴侣间的个性 开放和尊重
Through arguments, you learn more about the other person
通过争论 你可以更了解对方
and their perspectives on different topics.
了解他们对不同话题的看法
This helps you view future events through their lens
这有助于你透过对方视角看未来
and understand their ways of thinking.
理解对方的思考方式
Arguments stop being helpful
当争论只是一味地争吵
when it’s all about the fighting
而不是相互成长 相互促进时
and no longer about the growth.
争论就不再有益处了
When you notice that your fights are getting more frequent and intense,
当你意识到争吵变得越发频繁和激烈
involving toxic relationship traits,
并且会危害这段感情时
such as the use of negative terms, physical abuse, and manipulation,
比如说难听的话 动手和监管你时
then it might be best to ask for outside help and intervention.
你最好向外界寻求帮助和干预
Number five.
第五
You can’t open up to them about anything.
任何事你都无法与对方坦诚
Your partner is your other half and your support person.
伴侣是你的另一半和支持者
It’s only fitting that you feel comfortable around them enough
你们讨论严肃或轻松等不同话题
to talk about diverse topics, both serious and lighthearted.
都能感到舒适自在时 才是适合彼此的
If your partner constantly cuts you off,
如果伴侣不断地打断你
doesn’t validate your own opinions,
不认可你的观点
and spends most of the time talking about themselves,
并且大部分时间都在谈论他自己
they may just be looking for someone to talk to.
那么对方可能只是在找倾诉对象
It’s best to clear out any misunderstandings in the relationship beforehand.
最好事先消除感情里的任何误会
Do they just want someone to vent to?
对方是否只是想找个人倾诉？
Are they irritated when you talk about yourself?
当你谈论自己时对方是否会生气？
If your partner does these things out of narcissistic tendencies,
如果你的伴侣这样做是出于自恋倾向
then they really may not be for you.
那对方可能真的不适合你
Number six.
第六
You’re very defensive when asked about them.
提及对方时你会十分防备
Somehow, your friends often seem to know
不知怎么 你的朋友们似乎总能
when things are going south in a relationship.
察觉到你们的关系出现了状况
This is because they care about you a lot.
这是因为他们十分在乎你
They tend to ask questions
当你和伴侣还有朋友在一起时
and observe you and your partner when you are together.
你的朋友总会问问题 并观察你们
Do you often feel the need to defend your partner
你是否总觉得需要为伴侣辩解
even though no suspicious questions are being asked?
即使没有被问到可疑的问题？
It probably stems from how you perceive your partner based on their own actions.
这可能是源于伴侣的行为使你产生的看法
What are you defensive of?
你在辩解什么？
Is that their attitude?
是伴侣的态度吗？
Have they done something you don’t want to tell your friends?
对方是否做过你不想让朋友知道的事？
It might be a good idea to ask yourself these questions
也许你应该问问自己这些问题
and why you don’t like being asked about your partner in the first place.
首先要问自己为什么不愿别人问起伴侣
If there really is an issue,
如果确实存在问题
you might want to talk about this with your partner
你可能想和伴侣聊聊
to address the main problems in the first place.
首先找到主要问题所在
Number seven.
第七
You’re afraid to let them meet the people you’re close to.
你不敢让伴侣与你亲近的人见面
Are you postponing your partner meeting your friends or family?
你是否在推迟伴侣与家人朋友见面的时间？
Why do you think so?
为什么这么做？
It might be because you already know they’re not going to hit it off well.
也许你早就知道他们合不来
The people close to you know you well,
与你亲近的人很了解你
sometimes even better than you know yourself.
有时甚至比你自己更了解你
The fact that you’re avoiding the inevitable meetup
你避免这样重要的会面
shows that you think there is something wrong in your own relationship.
说明你认为自己这段感情是有问题的
It might be a good idea to ask yourself
也许一开始就应该问问自己
about the reasons for this fear in the first place.
害怕的原因究竟是什么
Is it because of how your partner behaves?
是因为伴侣的行为吗？
Do you think their personality clashes with the people that you’re close to?
你是否认为对方的个性与你亲近的人不和？
Have they done something your family will not approve of?
对方是否做过你家人不认可的事？
It’s encouraged to talk to your partner about these things
你应该和伴侣聊聊这些事
for their own awareness too.
让他们也可以意识到这些
After all, not all people will get along at first.
毕竟 不是谁一开始就处得很好
However, most of the time,
然而大多数情况下
the people you’re close to only want the best for you.
与你亲近的人只希望你可以拥有最好的
So if you think they’ll have a negative impression of your relationship partner,
所以如果你觉得他们对你伴侣印象不好
they’re really might be something wrong.
也许是你的伴侣真的有问题
Number eight.
第八
You’re constantly on the lookout for new partners.
你不断在寻找新伴侣
Are you often asking yourself if they’re the right person for you?
你是否经常问自己对方是不是对的人？
Do you repetitively imagine yourself being together with other people,
你是否反复想过与其他人在一起的情景
asking yourself if it would be a better match?
内心问自己会不会那个人更适合自己？
If you’re always thinking about other people
如果你总是想着其他人
or looking at others during dates with your partner,
或者在与伴侣约会时看着他人
that might be a sign that you’re not as invested
这可能是种信号 表明你在这段感情中
in the relationship as you think you are.
投入的没有你以为的那么多
Attraction to other people is normal.
被他人吸引是正常的
It’s just an act of noticing good traits in others.
这只是你注意到他人优点的一种表现
But when you decide to act on those harmless feelings,
但当你决定将这些无害的想法付诸行动时
it’s where things go away.
一切开始离经叛道
You may feel this way
你可能会觉得
due to a lack of excitement in your relationship.
这是因为感情中缺少刺激而造成的
It might also be a method of escape
这也许也是一种逃避
from a restrictive relationship
制约型关系的方式
or a way of seeking comfort from others
或者向他人寻求慰藉的方式
because of bad communication habits
起因则是这段感情中
in your own relationship.
不好的沟通习惯
Whatever the reason is, it’s important to ask yourself
无论原因是什么 重要的是问问自己
why you’re doing this in the first place.
为什么最初你会这么做
Are you unsatisfied?
你厌倦了吗？
Does the thought of breaking up with them frequently
你脑海中可曾频频想过
come to your head?
与对方分手？
It’s encouraged to discuss these points with your partner
你应与伴侣讨论这些事情
to come across a mutual understanding
讨论中相互理解
and conclusion together.
最后达成共识
Number nine.
第九
You don’t feel like you’re becoming a better person.
你觉得自己并没有变成一个更好的人
Have you reached a point in the relationship
你是否曾处于一段觉得自己
where you’ve become stagnant?
停滞不前的关系中？
Are you no longer interested in your hobbies?
你是否不再热衷于自己的爱好？
Does it feel like you are not improving?
感觉自己没有任何提高？
Collective growth is important in a relationship.
在感情里共同成长很重要
Your partner inspires you to be a better person and vice versa.
伴侣让你变得更好 而你也让他变得更好
However, if you both reach a standstill
然而 如果你们彼此停滞不前
where you feel unmotivated by each other’s presence
彼此的存在让你们失去动力
and instead feel tired and weary,
而且觉得疲惫和倦怠
it might be better to take a step back
最好的处理办法就是退一步
and give space where it’s needed.
给彼此所需的空间
A lot of this is caused when the relationship becomes a routine,
这很大程度上是因为这段感情变成了
instead of something exciting with your other half.
例行公事而不是和伴侣一起做兴奋的事
If you’re starting to feel like it’s a task
如果你开始觉得这是一个任务
rather than an expression of love,
而不是一种爱意的表达
then it might work to find other ways
那么也许应该找其他方式
to get yourselves engaged in the relationship once again.
让自己再度投身到这段感情里
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
不要给自己太大压力了
Sometimes, breaking up with them
有时候和对方分手也许可以
is the breath of fresh air you might actually need.
让你呼吸到你真正所需的新鲜空气
And number 10.
第十
You’re staying in the relationship out of comfort.
你正处于一段不舒服的感情中
Has it become a habit to stay in the relationship
为了维持一段关系而处于这段关系中
just for the sake of it?
是否成为你的一种习惯？
Are you afraid of the thought of being alone
你是不是害怕和对方分手
if you break up with them?
你会变成一个人？
If you think the relationship has reached its end
如果你觉得这段关系走到了尽头
and there’s no possible way for it to go anywhere else,
并且没有其他路可以延续这段关系
it might be best to end it properly.
最好的办法就是适时结束
It’s nice to keep in mind
要记住
that not all endings have to be bad.
并不是所有结束都是坏的
Sometimes you just have to do it and let life move on.
有时你需要这么做 让生活继续
It may help to acknowledge
承认自己已经尽力了
that you’ve done all that you can,
也许会对你有所帮助
and that is what is important.
这很重要
Sometimes, letting go is better than holding onto something
有时候 比起紧握那些不再带给你
that no longer brings you joy or growth.
快乐和成长的事 放手反而更好
It’s good to continuously ask yourself： Are you still happy?
要经常问自己：现在还开心吗？
It sucks being in a relationship
和一个你认为不适合自己的人
with someone who you feel isn’t right for you.
在一起是一件糟糕的事情
Do you have someone like this in your life?
你的生活中有这样的人吗？
What made you say so?
是什么让你这么说？
Please share your experiences in the comment section below.
请在下方评论区分享你的经历
We’d appreciate hearing about your stories.
我们很希望听到你的故事
Did you find this video valuable?
觉得这个视频对你有帮助吗？
Tell us in the comments below.
在下方评论区告诉我们
Please like it and share it with friends
喜欢视频的话请把它分享给
that might find use in this video too.
可能也会觉得有所帮助的朋友
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确保你订阅了Psych2go
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点击通知按钮以获得更多内容
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所有视频参考资料
are added in the description box below.
均附加在下方的描述栏里
Thanks so much for watching and we’ll see you next time.
感谢观看视频 下次再见