Most successful world leaders have one thing in common,
they’ve all read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
Clark Danger Stop settling, start living visit us at www.clarkdanger.com
克拉克危险 停止安逸 开始生活
What’s up, guys? Clark, from clarkdanger.com.
Super excited for this book review.
Today, we have “How to win friends and influence people”,
the old classic sun-bleached edition right here that I got,
says over 15 million copies sold.
I’m sure it’s way more by now, cause this is a 97 edition.
Anyway, not to bore you,
let’s get into the 10 best ideas on
Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”.
And before that,
you know why should we even care about winning friends and influencing people.
I mean, really, this is almost a primary source,
meaning that all the new books coming out on communication,
all the new self-help books,
they’re all pulling from this guy.
Some of these ideas might sound kind of dull or common-sense,
but we got to be sure to not skip over them,
because if we just write them off completely,
we’re all gonna miss their benefits.
Okay, so as we’re going through these 10 ideas,
really be open-minded to each, applying each one,
even it’s as simple as number one.
Last thing, be sure you’re listening for your best idea,
which one of these ideas stand out to you,
which ones do you agree with or disagree with,
and put it in the comment down below.
let’s get going now on the top 10 ideas
from Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”.
Starting with idea Number One,
this is become genuinely interested in other people.
There’s a quote here that says
” You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years
by trying to get other people interested in you.”
You know, simple fact, people love to talk about themselves.
So if you want to win friends, influence people,
if you want to just get to know people better,
you want people to like you,
become genuinely interested in them.
Kind of on the same point I was talking to my mother the other night,
and she said,
she was going to some meet–up I think online,
and she said: “I don’t know why making friends is so hard for people.
All you have to do is smile,
introduce yourself and ask people about themselves,
or ask people to talk about themselves,
you got an instant friend.”
And I’m like, that’s, that’s a really simple way to put it,
but also really true.
because people love to talk about themselves, they do.
And if you get someone going on one or two things that they’re really passionate about,
boom, there’s your conversation.
They’ll open up to you.
And over time, they’re gonna like you,
because they feel like they’re themselves around you.
So principle Number One, how do you win friends and influence people,
become genuinely interested in other people,
get them to talk about themselves.
Big idea Number Two:
let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
If you’re in a group setting or a leadership role,
allow other people to take credit for you.
What was the quote, it was:
It’s amazing what you can accomplish
when you don’t care who gets the credit for it.
We want credit for everything,
but if we step.. that’s all our ego.
So if we step away from that and let other people take the credit,
make it feel like their ideas is his or hers.
They’re gonna feel like: around you, they come up with all these ideas.
I want to hang out with you more.
When I was first starting podcasting,
I got some great advice.
And it was from someone who had been podcasting for a long time.
They said: “Clark, the secret to doing an interview show where you’re the host
is make the guest sound good.
It’s your only job.
Make the guest sound good and you will have an awesome show.
They want to come back on your show.
They want to contribute to your show.
They want to promote your show because they feel like they did a good job.
And so for three years now,
my goal with the podcast has been
to make the guests sound good.
Let their idea.. , let whatever idea we’re talking about,
make it sound like it’s theirs.
So for talking about a health point,
you know, I’ll softball a question on,
“Oh,so you’re saying gluten can disrupt the GI tract,
do you have any interesting or that’s a really, that’s a really good study you just brought up.
You know, kind of be the height man behind it.
So there’s multiple ways you can apply this,
let the other person think the idea is theirs.
Give, give them the credit is, I think,
what Dale Carnegie is trying to say on this point,
and definitely a good way to get people to like you.
Point Number Three, this is “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person”.
This is a phenomenal one.
Again, on the podcast I got some more advice that said
if you want someone in an interview,
it’s kind of an awkward format with an interview show,
you’ve never met that person.
You’re talking to them through a camera
on the other side of the globe about a subject,
and this is your first interaction,
and you’re just supposed to hit it off.
Some advice I got on
how do you get the other person to be themself over Skype
when you’ve never met before
is to share something vulnerable about yourself,
and in doing that, they’re more likely to open up to you.
okay, apply that same logic to if you’re talking to someone,
maybe you’re in a leadership role,
maybe you’re working with kids,
maybe you’re working with other people,
maybe you’re in a relationship.
Before you criticize or give constructive feedback to the other person,
share something about yourself that’s kind of revealing,
or maybe a time that you messed up.
And they’re more likely to not get on the defensive
and take it the wrong way.
You know, so I mean, I can remember as a kid,
I had a youth instructor do this when they were about to
I would act up quite a bit,
and they would need to talk to me, need to discipline me.
Well, every time they came at it from you shouldn’t be doing X, Y & Z,
you know, I’ve responded back with all the reasons why I shouldn be doing X, Y & Z.
But every time they said: “Hey, you know when I was a kid,
I did something similar.
And I get it, but it’s not okay.
And here’s why.”
I’d be like : Oh, this person understands me. Okay, now I’ll listen to it.
This point is kind of hitting on
how do you give constructive feedback
without being an asshole or a jerk.
You know, how do you let people know
that you need them to do things differently
without them blowing up and getting offensive.
And a good tip on that is
instead of using the word “but”,
Sweep it, switch it out.
So you know you can say “Hey”,
an example I saw online was
“We’re really proud of you Justin
“嘿 贾斯丁 这季度有进步
for getting better grades this quarter,
but if you work harder in your math class,
you would have done better.”
“We’re really proud of you Justin for getting better grades this quarter.
And if you continue to work hard next quarter,
your math grade could be as high as the others’.”
See how that’s a little different wording,
but it makes all the difference.
It’s, uh, every time we hear “but”,
or like “okay, nothing before the…
What is that saying “nothing before the but matters”?
Point Number Four, dramatitize your ideas.
If you’re going to do any sort of public speaking,
if you’re gonna do any sort of presentation,
any sort of communication where you’re the focus,
find a way to implant your ideas into people’s heads.
Break the script.
Get out of the standard narrative.
That’s example I know is Jamie Oliver’s TED talk
on “Sugar and Obesity in America”.
Okay, the sugar in everything.
I know the ins and outs of those ingredients. It’s in everything.
Where he’s talking about the sugar intake
and how much kids consume in a year and how it’s terrible.
Never I’m sitting there nodding their heads like:
Okay, yeah, we get it, sugar’s bad.
It’s in soda, pizza, like, yeah, we get it.
汽水 披萨这些都有糖 知道了
And then what does he do?
He’s like: “All right, people have heard this multiple times.”
So he gets a wheelbarrow and pulls it in with him.
And it’s full of the average
consumption of sugar a year that every student eats.
I took the liberty of putting in
just the five years of elementary school sugar.
He dumps it out on stage and says:
“This is the amount of sugar you’re eating in a year”.
I mean, which one gets your attention more?
A graph on a chart,
or a wheelbarrow dumped out full of sugar?
Boom! I mean that stuck with me,
and that stuck with people.
So there’s clever ways you can dramatitize your ideas
and people will respond to it better.
Another example of this,
I remember when I was growing up,
there was that smoking commercial or the anti-smoking commercial
where the lady had the the hole in her throat.
She was like:
I tried… they’d say nicotine is not addictive.
And then she smokes through the hole
and says “How can they say that?”
I mean, that stuck with me for ..
I don’t know, 14 years now.
And it’s another way you can dramatitize ideas.
So this is something, that’s pretty common knowledge of advertising.
But if you want to get your point across,
think of creative clever ways.
You can use anchors or visual aids, whatever
to really hit the audience in the face.
Alright, point Number Five: talk in terms of the other persons’ interests.
WIIFM, What does “WIIFM” stand for?
What’s in it for me?
This is what every single person is asking themselves,
when they’re watching one of these videos,
when they’re gonna look at your Facebook feed,
when they’re going…choosing what classes to take.
What’s in it for me?
What’s the incentive I’m getting out of this?
So you, as the communicator or the salesperson,
if you know,
then inherently every single time before we do anything,
we ask “What’s in it for me?”
You can frame things with that question and almost answer it for them.
That’s why if you notice in these videos
at the very first five seconds,
get that attention grabber and basically say “Hey, look,
all the best leaders have read
” How to win friends and influence people”,
implying that if you watch this video,
you’ll know a little bit what the best leaders in the world know,
because of this book, you know.
And then I tell you you’re gonna get 10 big ideas from this,
and it’s all about framing it for what’s in it for you with this video.
And you know, there is something to be said,
here the counterpoint is what about selfless giving
and not everything selfish or self-interested.
That’s beyond the point.
Talking in terms of the other persons’ interests is
a good way to frame something,
if you want to have influence over people.
Number Six, get the other person saying “yes, yes!” immediately.
This is based on the psychological principle
that people are more likely to agree
to your request
if they’ve agreed to something smaller before that.
So you basically give them a softball before you pitch on the fastball.
Um,start small and then ask for something bigger.
You know, I don’t know, off the top of my head, the source of the study.
I remember reading it in one of these books though.
It was talking about getting students to volunteer for an animal shelter,
and they asked students,
you know, with the clipboard outside like a Trader Joe’s or something.
And they said: “Hey, would you be willing to come in two hours the Saturday
and volunteer at an animal shelter?”
And like 18% of the students were like “no” or said “yes”,
but when they asked:
“Hey, would you be willing to sign a petition for animal rights?”
before they said: “Would you be willing to go into the animal shelter?”
The people who sign the petition,
I mean, the number doubled for the amount of people
who would come in to volunteer the animal shelter.
In other words,
they signed the petition,
so they’re, in their minds, they’re like “I’m someone who loves animals”.
Then that next question of ” Do you want to come into the animal shelter?”
Well, they agreed to that little thing.
Now, they identify as someone who loves animals.
So of course, they want to come in and help the animals on Saturday.
So if you can get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately,
kind of saying “yes” in their mind to whatever you’re asking,
it’s a good way you can get a desired outcome.
This is, of course, why so many blogs,
if you go to my blog,
you’ll see an email opt-in box.
Now, the point of this, this is sales 101, okay.
Online marketing, get people’s emails,
and they’ve said “yes, they’ve opted into that”.
Now you can develop a relationship with them
and provide value, value, value.
And since they opt into something,
they’re more likely, statistically
to buy one of your products in the future.
That’s email marketing right there.
“Building a list” they call it,
and selling them things
through relationships and quality added value.
And what’s amazing is that the people who buy a product from you
are way more likely to buy another product from you,
then total strangers right.
That’s, that’s the whole point.
It’s called like the sales funnel,
getting people and narrowing them down
to this fine group who just buy anything you do.
Next point, give honest and sincere appreciation.
Who does not love appreciation that’s honest and sincere?
I mean, if you want to make people like you,
I think that’s one of the best fundamental ways to do so.
You know, in the other videos,
I’ve talked about giving one awesome, random, sincere compliment a day.
And that if you did that,
you would see relationships change.
You know, and of course, it has to be genuine.
That’s why it’s honest and sincere.
I think in the book it talks about the difference.
That this is not flattery
because flattery is of the tongue,
and appreciation is from the heart.
And so that you know anyone can say things
that kind of sound nice and we kind of brush it off.
But if you actually give them meaningful compliments,
then that’s something, that’s gonna stick with people.
So remember don’t just say “Thank you”,
say “Thank you for…”,
and give them the meaning behind what you’re thankful to them on.
And this is a great way to get people to like you.
Honest and sincere, one last thing on this,
doesn’t mean big and massive, right?
You don’t have to come up with some elaborate, huge, appreciation or compliment to give that person.
Less is probably more here as long as it’s sincere.
I wrote down the example, you know.
If you’re someone who works in a nine-to-five office,
could be like: ” Hey, John, really solid job speaking, man.
你可以这样：“嘿 约翰 讲得真不错
I can tell you put a lot of practice into that, it showed.”
That’s honest, that’s sincere.
or really love how authentic you were when you were speaking of others.
Or if you know the room lit up when he did that joke about the museum.
Whatever it is, honest and sincere is the key here.
Number Eight: give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Basically saying that if we have reputation or identity,
we conform to it.
We conform to whatever identity we believe in ourselves.
And so, if you want to motivate people, maybe you’re a leader.
所以 如果你是领导 想激励别人
One of the best ways I’ve applied this has been
working with kids at a Boys & Girls Club, right?
So if I pull a kid out and I’m disciplining him,
and, or, or you know, I’m trying to motivate them.
It’s so easy to call attention to what they did wrong, right.
You just go to this default frame of you did, X Y & Z.
These are the consequences.
Don’t do that again, or you’ll have more consequences.
That’s, that’s kind of how our parents disciplined us growing up.
I’m sure a lot of us or people who raised us
I’ll tell your teachers responded to you.
But there’s a better way,
and that is to give people a reputation to live up to.
So instead of saying here’s what you did,
here’s the consequence,
don’t do it again, you get a bigger consequence.
Say: “Hey, Dustin, man,
you know, you did X, Y and Z,
but, honestly man, that’s not like you.
The kids here at the club,
they view you as a leader.
And this isn’t leadership potential right here.
This isn’t what leaders do.
And if you’re a leader, so I expect better from you.”
And just doing that, you can see the changes in kids’ behavior
over the course of a couple weeks, couple months.
And it’s almost like they get that in their head
that I’m a leader, and they start acting like that.
So that’s a good way to give someone a reputation to live up to.
You know, whoever you’re trying to work with,
maybe you’re a teacher,
if you got kids, give them a fine reputation to live up to.
All right, the next one,
this is a sub point on that.
It is the power of identity.
And that look of the two mosts
and that the two most important…
two most important words in our English language
when we’re talking about ourselves is “I am”.
The power of “I am”.
This goes for positive and this goes for negative.
So if you really want to change the way you think about things,
we gotta identify what we identify with.
It’s very meta.
But for example you know, a negative version of “I am”
would be I am too young, I am too old.
I’m too skinny, I am too fat.
I am a man, I am a woman.
I am a depressed person, I am too broke.
I am not educated enough,
I am, you know, not in the right location.
How do those sound? Those sound pretty negative,
those sound kind of daunting,
those sound kind of, all right, these, these again.
听起来像 噢 又来了
But what if we, what if we flipped that and did a positive frame on it?
You know, I am able to accomplish anything I put my mind to.
I am someone who overflows with positivity to others.
I am not the kind of person who chews tobacco.
I was a big one for me.
I am someone who provides massive value
and deserves to be compensated fairly.
I am someone who gives their all in a relationship at all times.
Identifying with those, you’re going to have a totally different life.
So just becoming conscious, I guess, is the point of this
of what we identify with.
And I”ll give you a tool at the end of how you can become conscious of that, really.
But just being really aware of our,
I guess they would be called “limiting beliefs” is, uh, the next point.
The last point “Say my name”.
This is remember that a person’s name is the sweetest sound.
We’ve been over this in dozens of videos.
You know this is one of my favorite points.
But I wanted to close this one out with it.
This is the original source I got that piece from
that people loved hearing their name.
If you say someone’s name,
I give the example of a sauna, right,
Ali Fitness that I go to.
If I say: ” Hey, man, how you doing?”
如果我说：“嘿 老兄 过得怎样”
we have a conversation, it’s fine.
But I’ve noticed just anecdotal evidence
when I call them by their name and remember it,
take the time to remember it,
and say: “Hey, John, how you doing?”
说：“嘿 约翰 过的怎样”
Our conversation feels a little 10-15 minutes in the sauna is completely different.
It’s more personal, it’s more real.
It’s just overall better and this goes for anyone else, too.
Even people you hang around a lot, even people you know a lot,
just say their name more.
I was talking with my friend Jim Quake,
who’s super, super connected networks like no other.
What basically found himself out of dinner with Bill Clinton
and a bunch of other celebrities.
And he said that one of the most you know powerful things about Bill Clinton
is that when he shakes your hand and looks at you,
you feel like you have his whole presence.
And that he remembered his name,
he remembered three things about him that they talked about the last conversation.
And that part of his charismatic,
you know, say what you will about Bill Clinton,
but part of his energy that he just exudes on people,
which so many people talk about, you know, he’s a charismatic guy,
comes from his power to remember people’s name,
and to be present right there with them.
And one of the ways you show people your presence
is to give them your attention or repeat their name.
So experimenting with that, with names, highly recommended.
If you take away one thing from this video, try that.
Try experimenting saying people’s name more.
Alright. That’s it’s. ” How to win friends and influence people”,
Dale Carnegie, phenomenal, phenomenal book,
Full blog post in the description as well as where you can pick up this book.
Be sure you like and leave a comment down below
on what was your favorite points,
what’s your favorite communication tactic, tool, method,
and we can all learn on “How to win friends and influence people”.
Last thing, “11 questions change your life” is a free ebook I put out.
If you want to answer that, you get more clarity on
just where you’re going, what direction.
These are the best 11 questions.
Thousands of people have done this by now,
and it gets great feedback every single time.
Alright, next week we are doing, let me grab it,
好了 下周我们要点评的是 我看看
“Rich Dad Poor Dad”, really excited to bring this one out.
It’s finance book.
I’m excited to go over some of these best ideas with you,
number one personal finance book of all time.
I’ll see you then.
Until then, stop settling, start living.
到那时前 停止安逸 开始生活
See you later.
Clark Danger Stop settling, start living
Check out our next video:
visit us at www.clarkdanger.com
克拉克危险 停止安逸 开始生活
Most successful world leaders have one thing in common,