Most successful world leaders have one thing in common,
多数成功人士都有个共同点
they’ve all read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
那就是 他们都会读《人性的弱点》
Clark Danger Stop settling, start living visit us at www.clarkdanger.com
克拉克危险 停止安逸 开始生活
What’s up, guys? Clark, from clarkdanger.com.
大家好 我是clarkdanger.com的克拉克
Super excited for this book review.
很高兴点能点评今天这本书
Today, we have “How to win friends and influence people”,
《人性的弱点》
the old classic sun-bleached edition right here that I got,
据说这本褪色的典藏版
says over 15 million copies sold.
已经售出了1500多万册
I’m sure it’s way more by now, cause this is a 97 edition.
这还是97版的 现在肯定售出更多
Anyway, not to bore you,
好了 废话少说
let’s get into the 10 best ideas on
来看看戴尔•卡耐基在
Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”.
《人性的弱点》中十个最有价值的观点
And before that,
在此之前
you know why should we even care about winning friends and influencing people.
要知道我们为何要在乎人性的弱点
I mean, really, this is almost a primary source,
卡耐基几乎是这类书的鼻祖
meaning that all the new books coming out on communication,
所有关于交际的新书
all the new self-help books,
关于励志的新书
they’re all pulling from this guy.
背后都有他的身影
Some of these ideas might sound kind of dull or common-sense,
有些建议可能听着有点无趣或平淡无奇
but we got to be sure to not skip over them,
但千万不要忽略它们
because if we just write them off completely,
因为若我们完全视而不见
we’re all gonna miss their benefits.
就无法领略其奥妙所在
Okay, so as we’re going through these 10 ideas,
现在我们开始探讨这十个观点
really be open-minded to each, applying each one,
即使有些很简单 比如第一点
even it’s as simple as number one.
请好好听取并用于实践
Last thing, be sure you’re listening for your best idea,
最后 请确保听到了你认为的最佳观点
which one of these ideas stand out to you,
哪点你觉得很受用
which ones do you agree with or disagree with,
哪些赞同 哪些不赞同
and put it in the comment down below.
请在评论区留言
let’s get going now on the top 10 ideas
现在来看看《人性的弱点》中
from Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”.
十个最有价值的观点
Starting with idea Number One,
首先第一点
this is become genuinely interested in other people.
真心对他人感兴趣
There’s a quote here that says
这有段引文
” You can make more friends in two months
“ 同样两年的时间里
by becoming interested in other people
真心对他人感兴趣
than you can in two years
比设法让他人对你感兴趣
by trying to get other people interested in you.”
能使你交到更多朋友 ”
You know, simple fact, people love to talk about themselves.
实际上 人们都喜欢谈论自己
So if you want to win friends, influence people,
所以 想要赢得友谊和影响他人
if you want to just get to know people better,
想更好地了解他人
you want people to like you,
想要人们喜欢你
become genuinely interested in them.
就真心对他们感兴趣吧
Kind of on the same point I was talking to my mother the other night,
这有点像前几天晚上我跟老妈聊到的
and she said,
她说
she was going to some meet–up I think online,
她好像是交了些网友
and she said: “I don’t know why making friends is so hard for people.
她说：“不知为何人们觉得交友很难
All you have to do is smile,
你只要过去对他微笑
introduce yourself and ask people about themselves,
自我介绍 再问下他们的情况
or ask people to talk about themselves,
或让他们谈论自己
you got an instant friend.”
你马上就能交到朋友”
And I’m like, that’s, that’s a really simple way to put it,
我觉得这方法很简单
but also really true.
而且很实用
because people love to talk about themselves, they do.
因为人们的确喜欢谈论自己
And if you get someone going on one or two things that they’re really passionate about,
如果你能聊起一两件他们很感兴趣的事
boom, there’s your conversation.
你们便有话题可聊了
They’ll open up to you.
他们会敞开心扉
And over time, they’re gonna like you,
时间一久 他们就会喜欢你
because they feel like they’re themselves around you.
因为他们觉得自己在陪伴着你
So principle Number One, how do you win friends and influence people,
所以赢得友谊和影响他人的第一原则就是
become genuinely interested in other people,
真心对他人感兴趣
get them to talk about themselves.
让他们谈论他们自己
Big idea Number Two:
第二点重要的观点：
let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
让人们感觉好主意是他们出的
Great advice.
这建议不错
If you’re in a group setting or a leadership role,
如果你身处或领导一个团队
allow other people to take credit for you.
把功劳让给别人
What was the quote, it was:
那句话怎么说来着
It’s amazing what you can accomplish
不用在乎是谁的功劳
when you don’t care who gets the credit for it.
能完成任务才是王道
We want credit for everything,
我们总是怕功劳被抢
but if we step.. that’s all our ego.
但冷静想想 这是自尊心作祟
So if we step away from that and let other people take the credit,
如果我们不在乎那些 把功劳让给别人
make it feel like their ideas is his or hers.
让别人感觉这是他们的主意
They’re gonna feel like: around you, they come up with all these ideas.
他们会觉得：有你在 他们才有灵感
I want to hang out with you more.
想多和你一起
When I was first starting podcasting,
我第一次做播客时
I got some great advice.
有人提了些不错的建议
And it was from someone who had been podcasting for a long time.
他们都做了很长时间的播客
They said: “Clark, the secret to doing an interview show where you’re the host
他们说：“克拉克 主持人做访谈的秘诀
is make the guest sound good.
就是让嘉宾感觉良好
It’s your only job.
仅此而已
Make the guest sound good and you will have an awesome show.
嘉宾感觉良好 访谈就精彩
They want to come back on your show.
他们还会来你节目
They want to contribute to your show.
还会接受访谈
They want to promote your show because they feel like they did a good job.
想节目更精彩 因为他们很有成就感
And so for three years now,
到现在已经三年了
my goal with the podcast has been
我做播客时
to make the guests sound good.
一直秉持这个原则
Let their idea.. , let whatever idea we’re talking about,
不管聊到什么 都让嘉宾感觉
make it sound like it’s theirs.
是他们的功劳
So for talking about a health point,
比如谈到某个健康问题
you know, I’ll softball a question on,
我会先提出问题
“Oh,so you’re saying gluten can disrupt the GI tract,
“噢 您说面筋使肠胃功能紊乱
do you have any interesting or that’s a really, that’s a really good study you just brought up.
您是否有研究或您提了个好的课题
You know, kind of be the height man behind it.
把别人塑造成背后的巨人
So there’s multiple ways you can apply this,
实现方法可以多种多样
let the other person think the idea is theirs.
让别人有成就感
Give, give them the credit is, I think,
把功劳让给别人
what Dale Carnegie is trying to say on this point,
戴尔•卡耐基的这点建议很好
and definitely a good way to get people to like you.
的确能让你受人欢迎
Point Number Three, this is “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person”.
第三点 先自我批评再评论他人
This is a phenomenal one.
这点很特别
Again, on the podcast I got some more advice that said
同样做播客时 也有人建议我
if you want someone in an interview,
如果你想采访某人
it’s kind of an awkward format with an interview show,
而你们之前却从未谋面
you’ve never met that person.
这确实很尴尬
You’re talking to them through a camera
他在地球的另一端
on the other side of the globe about a subject,
你通过摄像头和这从未接触过的人
and this is your first interaction,
讨论着某个话题
and you’re just supposed to hit it off.
而且你还得跟人家谈得来
Some advice I got on
关于这个问题
how do you get the other person to be themself over Skype
如何让Skype上素未谋面的人们
when you’ve never met before
表现地自然
is to share something vulnerable about yourself,
我得到的建议是 谈论自己的缺点
and in doing that, they’re more likely to open up to you.
那样他们则容易对你敞开心扉
And so,
所以
okay, apply that same logic to if you’re talking to someone,
在与人交谈时 你同样也可以这样做
maybe you’re in a leadership role,
不论是领导他人
maybe you’re working with kids,
还是和孩子们
maybe you’re working with other people,
或其他人打交道
maybe you’re in a relationship.
亦或处对象时
Before you criticize or give constructive feedback to the other person,
在批评他人或提出实质性意见前
share something about yourself that’s kind of revealing,
先来揭揭自己的短
or maybe a time that you messed up.
或说说自己的困境
And they’re more likely to not get on the defensive
人们则很有可能卸下防备之心
and take it the wrong way.
也不易产生误会
You know, so I mean, I can remember as a kid,
我记得在我小的时候
I had a youth instructor do this when they were about to
我的少年导师要批评我时
I would act up quite a bit,
我就会调皮捣蛋
and they would need to talk to me, need to discipline me.
他们就会来找我谈话 教育我
Well, every time they came at it from you shouldn’t be doing X, Y & Z,
每次一开口就是 你不该这样不该那样
you know, I’ve responded back with all the reasons why I shouldn be doing X, Y & Z.
而我都会找出我该这么做的所有理由
But every time they said: “Hey, you know when I was a kid,
但每次他们说：“嘿 知道吗
I did something similar.
我小时候也这样干过
And I get it, but it’s not okay.
还得逞了 但这并没好处
And here’s why.”
这就是原因”
I’d be like : Oh, this person understands me. Okay, now I’ll listen to it.
我就会想：他挺了解我的 我得听听看
This point is kind of hitting on
这似乎有点像
how do you give constructive feedback
如何提出实质性建议
without being an asshole or a jerk.
又不被人当混蛋
You know, how do you let people know
也就是 如何告诉别人
that you need them to do things differently
不要这样做的同时
without them blowing up and getting offensive.
又不至于惹怒或得罪他们
And a good tip on that is
一个好办法就是
instead of using the word “but”,
把“但是”换成
use “and”.
“并且”
Sweep it, switch it out.
换掉“但是”
So you know you can say “Hey”,
我在网上看过这样一个例子
an example I saw online was
就像这样
“We’re really proud of you Justin
“嘿 贾斯丁 这季度有进步
for getting better grades this quarter,
我们真为你骄傲
but if you work harder in your math class,
但如果数学再努力点的话
you would have done better.”
就更好了”
versus
试对比
“We’re really proud of you Justin for getting better grades this quarter.
“这季度有进步 我们真为你骄傲贾斯丁
And if you continue to work hard next quarter,
并且下次数学继续努力的话
your math grade could be as high as the others’.”
就能赶上其他人了”
See how that’s a little different wording,
看 稍微改变下措辞
but it makes all the difference.
这句话就不一样了
It’s, uh, every time we hear “but”,
每次我们一听到“但是”
or like “okay, nothing before the…
就觉得“都是废话”
What is that saying “nothing before the but matters”?
那话怎么说 “但是之前都是废话”？
Point Number Four, dramatitize your ideas.
第四点 使自己的意图戏剧化
If you’re going to do any sort of public speaking,
如果你要在公共场合发言
if you’re gonna do any sort of presentation,
或者搞讲座
any sort of communication where you’re the focus,
或者你是谈话的中心人物
find a way to implant your ideas into people’s heads.
你要想法设法给别人灌输你的想法
Break the script.
打破传统
Get out of the standard narrative.
不要平铺直叙
That’s example I know is Jamie Oliver’s TED talk
举个例子 杰米•奥利弗的TED演讲
on “Sugar and Obesity in America”.
美国社会糖和肥胖问题
Okay, the sugar in everything.
我们生活中到处有糖
I know the ins and outs of those ingredients. It’s in everything.
我对这种物质非常了解 它无处不在
Where he’s talking about the sugar intake
他想说人们对糖的摄入量
and how much kids consume in a year and how it’s terrible.
及儿童对糖的年摄入量让人发指
Never I’m sitting there nodding their heads like:
一般我都会坐在那点头：
Okay, yeah, we get it, sugar’s bad.
是 我们知道糖不好
It’s in soda, pizza, like, yeah, we get it.
汽水 披萨这些都有糖 知道了
And then what does he do?
他怎么做？
He’s like: “All right, people have heard this multiple times.”
他说：“这话人们都听腻了”
So he gets a wheelbarrow and pulls it in with him.
他弄了个推车来
And it’s full of the average
里面装的都是
consumption of sugar a year that every student eats.
平均每个学生一年所要摄入的糖
I took the liberty of putting in
我自行装了一车糖
just the five years of elementary school sugar.
这是小学五年里要摄入的量
He dumps it out on stage and says:
他把那一车糖倒在台上说
“This is the amount of sugar you’re eating in a year”.
“这是你们一年要吃的糖”
I mean, which one gets your attention more?
我想问 那种方法更引人注意？
A graph on a chart,
是图表数据
or a wheelbarrow dumped out full of sugar?
还是这倒出来的一车糖？
Boom! I mean that stuck with me,
轰！我惊呆了
and that stuck with people.
人们也惊呆了
So there’s clever ways you can dramatitize your ideas
所以 想办法让你的意图戏剧化
and people will respond to it better.
你得到的反响将更加精彩
Another example of this,
还有一个例子
I remember when I was growing up,
我记得年少时
there was that smoking commercial or the anti-smoking commercial
有一种吸烟广告或禁烟广告
where the lady had the the hole in her throat.
一位女士喉咙上有个洞
She was like:
她说到：
I tried… they’d say nicotine is not addictive.
我试过了 他们说尼古丁不会上瘾
And then she smokes through the hole
然后用喉咙的洞吸烟
and says “How can they say that?”
还说：他们怎么能那么说？
I mean, that stuck with me for ..
不知为何 14年过去了
I don’t know, 14 years now.
这一直让我印象深刻
And it’s another way you can dramatitize ideas.
这也能使你的意图戏剧化
So this is something, that’s pretty common knowledge of advertising.
对于广告来说 这都是常识
But if you want to get your point across,
但如果你想人们接受你的想法
think of creative clever ways.
那你就要有点创意
You can use anchors or visual aids, whatever
你可以借助主持人或视觉手段
to really hit the audience in the face.
想方设法给观众留下深刻印象
Alright, point Number Five: talk in terms of the other persons’ interests.
第五点：聊别人感兴趣的话题
WIIFM, What does “WIIFM” stand for?
WIIFM代表什么？
What’s in it for me?
对我有什么好处？
This is what every single person is asking themselves,
每个人都会这样问自己
when they’re watching one of these videos,
无论是在看这些视频
when they’re gonna look at your Facebook feed,
还是看你的脸书
when they’re going…choosing what classes to take.
还是在选择课程时 都会问
What’s in it for me?
这对我有何好处
What’s the incentive I’m getting out of this?
我这样做的目的是什么
So you, as the communicator or the salesperson,
所以 如果你在与人沟通或推销产品时
if you know,
你意识到了
then inherently every single time before we do anything,
我们做每件事之前 总会下意识地问
we ask “What’s in it for me?”
这对我有什么好处
You can frame things with that question and almost answer it for them.
你便能就问题整理信息 并几乎给出答案
That’s why if you notice in these videos
这就是视频最开始的五秒钟
at the very first five seconds,
能吸引你的原因了
get that attention grabber and basically say “Hey, look,
你会被它吸引 会说
all the best leaders have read
“嘿 成功人士都会读
” How to win friends and influence people”,
《人性的弱点》”
implying that if you watch this video,
这暗示了 你如果观看这个视频
you’ll know a little bit what the best leaders in the world know,
你就能了解下那些成功人士
because of this book, you know.
读懂了些什么
And then I tell you you’re gonna get 10 big ideas from this,
然后我说你会得到十个好观点
and it’s all about framing it for what’s in it for you with this video.
这就是这个视频能给你的好处
And you know, there is something to be said,
我还要说的一点就是
here the counterpoint is what about selfless giving
这对应的就是无私奉献
and not everything selfish or self-interested.
不要自私自利
That’s beyond the point.
这不是讨论的重点
Talking in terms of the other persons’ interests is
如果你想影响他人
a good way to frame something,
那么 聊别人感兴趣的话题
if you want to have influence over people.
是个有所收获的好方法
Number Six, get the other person saying “yes, yes!” immediately.
第六点 让对方立即开口说“是”
This is based on the psychological principle
根据心理学法则
that people are more likely to agree
如果人们之前接受了你的
to your request
小小要求
if they’ve agreed to something smaller before that.
他们会更容易接受你的更高要求
So you basically give them a softball before you pitch on the fastball.
所以 在投快球前先来个温柔点的
Um,start small and then ask for something bigger.
先提点小要求 再进入主题
You know, I don’t know, off the top of my head, the source of the study.
我一下子想不起来在哪读到过一些书
I remember reading it in one of these books though.
但我还记得其中一本讲的是
It was talking about getting students to volunteer for an animal shelter,
如何使学生来动物栖息地当志愿者
and they asked students,
他们是这样做的
you know, with the clipboard outside like a Trader Joe’s or something.
在一个乔氏超市之类的店面外挂了个牌子
And they said: “Hey, would you be willing to come in two hours the Saturday
他们问学生：“你们愿意星期六花两小时
and volunteer at an animal shelter?”
来动物栖息地当志愿者吗”
And like 18% of the students were like “no” or said “yes”,
有18%的学生表示不愿意或愿意
but when they asked:
但当他们先问：
“Hey, would you be willing to sign a petition for animal rights?”
“嘿 你愿意在动物权益的请愿书上签名吗？”
before they said: “Would you be willing to go into the animal shelter?”
再问：“你选择来动物栖息地吗？”
The people who sign the petition,
结果 签了请愿书的人
I mean, the number doubled for the amount of people
让愿去动物栖息地
who would come in to volunteer the animal shelter.
当志愿者的人数增加了一倍
In other words,
换句话说
they signed the petition,
他们签了请愿书
so they’re, in their minds, they’re like “I’m someone who loves animals”.
所以他们心里觉得 我很爱动物
Then that next question of ” Do you want to come into the animal shelter?”
所以再问 “你愿意来动物栖息地吗？”
Well, they agreed to that little thing.
他们答应了小要求
Now, they identify as someone who loves animals.
认为自己喜爱动物
So of course, they want to come in and help the animals on Saturday.
理所当然 他们想星期六来帮助小动物
So if you can get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately,
所以如果你想马上让对方开口说是
kind of saying “yes” in their mind to whatever you’re asking,
让他们对你有求必应
it’s a good way you can get a desired outcome.
这个方法能让你得到想要的结果
This is, of course, why so many blogs,
所以 很多博客都有邮箱选项框
if you go to my blog,
如果你上我的博客
you’ll see an email opt-in box.
也可以看到一个
Now, the point of this, this is sales 101, okay.
获取人们的邮箱是
Online marketing, get people’s emails,
《销售秘籍101》中的网络营销
and they’ve said “yes, they’ve opted into that”.
他们说是后 选择接受
Now you can develop a relationship with them
你就能和他们建立关系
and provide value, value, value.
然后财源滚滚
And since they opt into something,
由于他们接受了你
they’re more likely, statistically
他们将来会比较倾向
to buy one of your products in the future.
稳定地购买你的产品
That’s email marketing right there.
这就是邮件营销
“Building a list” they call it,
称之为“建立清单”
and selling them things
再通过关系和附加值
through relationships and quality added value.
对清单里的人推销商品
And what’s amazing is that the people who buy a product from you
更意想不到的是 客户们找你买过一次后
are way more likely to buy another product from you,
就很可能再找你买
then total strangers right.
然后就有新的客户
That’s, that’s the whole point.
这就是关键所在
It’s called like the sales funnel,
这就是销售漏斗
getting people and narrowing them down
获取客户 再缩小范围
to this fine group who just buy anything you do.
整合出扫购你产品的群体
Next point, give honest and sincere appreciation.
第七点 真诚地喜欢和赞善他人
Who does not love appreciation that’s honest and sincere?
谁不喜欢真诚的赞赏？
I mean, if you want to make people like you,
如果你想别人喜欢你
I think that’s one of the best fundamental ways to do so.
我认为这是一种最好的方法
You know, in the other videos,
在其它视频中
I’ve talked about giving one awesome, random, sincere compliment a day.
我谈到过 精彩且真诚地赞美他人某方面一天
And that if you did that,
如果你有实践
you would see relationships change.
你会发现你们的关系有所改变
You know, and of course, it has to be genuine.
当然 你要真心地赞美他
That’s why it’s honest and sincere.
这就是要真诚的原因
I think in the book it talks about the difference.
这本书里谈到了二者的区别
That this is not flattery
这不是拍马屁
because flattery is of the tongue,
因为拍马屁是嘴上功夫
and appreciation is from the heart.
而欣赏是发自内心的
And so that you know anyone can say things
所以你知道为什么有些人说话
that kind of sound nice and we kind of brush it off.
似乎听起来舒服 而我们却不想听
But if you actually give them meaningful compliments,
但若是有意义的赞美
then that’s something, that’s gonna stick with people.
便能使你很有人缘
So remember don’t just say “Thank you”,
所以 记住别只说“谢谢”
say “Thank you for…”,
说“谢谢你为我……”
and give them the meaning behind what you’re thankful to them on.
说出你为何感谢他们
And this is a great way to get people to like you.
想人缘好 这个方法不错
Honest and sincere, one last thing on this,
至少是真心诚意
doesn’t mean big and massive, right?
而非夸夸其谈 不是吗
You don’t have to come up with some elaborate, huge, appreciation or compliment to give that person.
你无需煞费苦心 大肆赞美某人
Less is probably more here as long as it’s sincere.
只要你真心诚意 无言或胜有言
I wrote down the example, you know.
我举过这种例子
If you’re someone who works in a nine-to-five office,
如果你朝九晚五地坐办公室
could be like: ” Hey, John, really solid job speaking, man.
你可以这样：“嘿 约翰 讲得真不错
I can tell you put a lot of practice into that, it showed.”
你肯定准备了很久吧 棒极了”
That’s honest, that’s sincere.
这才是真心实意
or really love how authentic you were when you were speaking of others.
当你谈及别人时 他们才会喜欢你的真实
Or if you know the room lit up when he did that joke about the museum.
或有人开博物馆玩笑时 你知道是说《意念空间》
Whatever it is, honest and sincere is the key here.
不管怎样 关键是真心诚意
Number Eight: give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
第八点 给他人一个不会被辜负的美名
Basically saying that if we have reputation or identity,
一般 如果我们尊享某种名誉或身份
we conform to it.
则会向它看齐
We conform to whatever identity we believe in ourselves.
我们会做符合我们身份的事
And so, if you want to motivate people, maybe you’re a leader.
所以 如果你是领导 想激励别人
One of the best ways I’ve applied this has been
这招最管用的地方是
working with kids at a Boys & Girls Club, right?
我在男孩女孩俱乐部与孩子们打交道时
So if I pull a kid out and I’m disciplining him,
如果我把一个孩子叫出来教育他
and, or, or you know, I’m trying to motivate them.
虽然我是想激励他
It’s so easy to call attention to what they did wrong, right.
但很容易就会变成数落他
You just go to this default frame of you did, X Y & Z.
看你干得这些乱七八糟的好事
These are the consequences.
这就是代价
Don’t do that again, or you’ll have more consequences.
别再犯了 否则代价将更大
That’s, that’s kind of how our parents disciplined us growing up.
这就像是从小到大父母在教训我们
I’m sure a lot of us or people who raised us
我敢肯定 很多人包括父母亲
I’ll tell your teachers responded to you.
会说 我要告诉你的老师去
But there’s a better way,
但还有更好的法子
and that is to give people a reputation to live up to.
那就是给他一个美名
So instead of saying here’s what you did,
与其说 看看你干的好事
here’s the consequence,
这就是代价
don’t do it again, you get a bigger consequence.
不要再犯 否则代价更大
Say: “Hey, Dustin, man,
你可以说：“嘿 达斯丁
you know, you did X, Y and Z,
知道吗 说实话
but, honestly man, that’s not like you.
你不像是做这些事的人
The kids here at the club,
俱乐部的孩子们
they view you as a leader.
都当你是领导
And this isn’t leadership potential right here.
这可不是领导的风范
This isn’t what leaders do.
领导不会这样做的
And if you’re a leader, so I expect better from you.”
如果你是领导 我期待你做得更好
And just doing that, you can see the changes in kids’ behavior
这样说的话 你会看到他们的言行举止
over the course of a couple weeks, couple months.
在几周或几个月中发生变化
And it’s almost like they get that in their head
他们脑海中会有这样一个意识
that I’m a leader, and they start acting like that.
我是领导 从而也会那样做
So that’s a good way to give someone a reputation to live up to.
这也是给他人一个美名的好方法
You know, whoever you’re trying to work with,
要知道 不管你和谁一起
maybe you’re a teacher,
也许你是老师
if you got kids, give them a fine reputation to live up to.
如果你的对象是学生 给他们一个美名
All right, the next one,
好了 下一点是
this is a sub point on that.
刚才那点的另一个方面
It is the power of identity.
就是认同的力量
And that look of the two mosts
这有两个最…
and that the two most important…
两个最重要的…
two most important words in our English language
英语中两个最重要的单词
when we’re talking about ourselves is “I am”.
当我们说到自己时 就是“我”
The power of “I am”.
也就是“我”的力量
This goes for positive and this goes for negative.
这有积极的一面 也有消极的一面
So if you really want to change the way you think about things,
如果你真想改变自己的思维方式
we gotta identify what we identify with.
那就要了解我们认同的事物
It’s very meta.
全面地了解
But for example you know, a negative version of “I am”
但也有消极的 比如
would be I am too young, I am too old.
我太年轻了 我太老了
I’m too skinny, I am too fat.
我太瘦了 我太肥了
I am a man, I am a woman.
我是男人 我是女人
I am a depressed person, I am too broke.
我很压抑 我很颓废
I am not educated enough,
我没读什么书
I am, you know, not in the right location.
这时 “我”就用得不是地方
How do those sound? Those sound pretty negative,
这听起来什么感觉？非常消极
those sound kind of daunting,
令人沮丧
those sound kind of, all right, these, these again.
听起来像 噢 又来了
But what if we, what if we flipped that and did a positive frame on it?
但如果换种积极的方式会如何？
You know, I am able to accomplish anything I put my mind to.
比如 我只要有决心就能做任何事
I am someone who overflows with positivity to others.
我正能量满满 能影响他人
I am not the kind of person who chews tobacco.
我不是那种喜欢咀嚼烟草的人
I was a big one for me.
我崇拜我自己
I am someone who provides massive value
我能创造非凡的价值
and deserves to be compensated fairly.
值得待遇优厚
I am someone who gives their all in a relationship at all times.
在合作中 我总是最有用的人
Identifying with those, you’re going to have a totally different life.
能这样想 生活会有翻天覆地的变化
So just becoming conscious, I guess, is the point of this
所以我认为 思想上的觉悟才是
of what we identify with.
认同事物的关键
And I”ll give you a tool at the end of how you can become conscious of that, really.
我将在如何产生这种觉悟的最后帮你一把
But just being really aware of our,
但你得真正意识到
I guess they would be called “limiting beliefs” is, uh, the next point.
这个该叫“限制性信念”的东西 接下来
The last point “Say my name”.
最后一点“说出我的名字”
This is remember that a person’s name is the sweetest sound.
记住 自己的名字最悦耳的声音
We’ve been over this in dozens of videos.
我们在很多视频中都提过
You know this is one of my favorite points.
这也是我最喜欢的建议之一
But I wanted to close this one out with it.
但我想让它成为节目的压轴
This is the original source I got that piece from
我是从人们喜欢听自己的名字
that people loved hearing their name.
这一点出发的
If you say someone’s name,
如果你叫出某人的名字
I give the example of a sauna, right,
就拿我去的阿里健身房
Ali Fitness that I go to.
洗桑拿来说吧
If I say: ” Hey, man, how you doing?”
如果我说：“嘿 老兄 过得怎样”
we have a conversation, it’s fine.
我们的对话就只剩“还好”
But I’ve noticed just anecdotal evidence
但我发现有趣的是
when I call them by their name and remember it,
如果我叫他们的名字
take the time to remember it,
慢慢记住他们的名字
and say: “Hey, John, how you doing?”
说：“嘿 约翰 过的怎样”
Our conversation feels a little 10-15 minutes in the sauna is completely different.
这桑拿浴的10到15分钟就完全不同了
It’s more personal, it’s more real.
更私密 更真实
It’s just overall better and this goes for anyone else, too.
整体也更好 而且对任何人都受用
Even people you hang around a lot, even people you know a lot,
即使他和你来往频繁 深知彼此
just say their name more.
也多叫他的名字
I was talking with my friend Jim Quake,
我曾和朋友吉姆•奎克聊天
who’s super, super connected networks like no other.
不同于他人 他消息十分灵通
What basically found himself out of dinner with Bill Clinton
经常与比尔•克林顿这样的名人
and a bunch of other celebrities.
共进晚餐
And he said that one of the most you know powerful things about Bill Clinton
他说比尔•克林顿最有感染力的一件事
is that when he shakes your hand and looks at you,
就是当他与你握手并看着你时
you feel like you have his whole presence.
你能感觉到他全然的风度
And that he remembered his name,
他能记住你的名字
he remembered three things about him that they talked about the last conversation.
在他们最后的谈话中 他记住了三件事
And that part of his charismatic,
克林顿的这种品质
you know, say what you will about Bill Clinton,
会让你喜欢他
but part of his energy that he just exudes on people,
但他所拥有的那份感染力
which so many people talk about, you know, he’s a charismatic guy,
感染了很多人 他们都说他很有魅力
comes from his power to remember people’s name,
而这种魅力源于他能记住人们的名字
and to be present right there with them.
与人相处时风度凛然
And one of the ways you show people your presence
而向人们展示风度的方式之一
is to give them your attention or repeat their name.
就是关注他们或说出他们的名字
So experimenting with that, with names, highly recommended.
结果显示 记住他人名字会得到好评
If you take away one thing from this video, try that.
如果你能从这个视频中学到点东西
Try experimenting saying people’s name more.
多尝试叫别人的名字
Alright. That’s it’s. ” How to win friends and influence people”,
好了 这就是《人性的弱点》
Dale Carnegie, phenomenal, phenomenal book,
戴尔•卡耐基这本书非常棒
Full blog post in the description as well as where you can pick up this book.
我的博客和其他销售点都有这本书的介绍
Be sure you like and leave a comment down below
你一定会喜欢 请在下方留言
on what was your favorite points,
哪点是你最喜欢的观点
what’s your favorite communication tactic, tool, method,
什么是你最喜欢的待人之道
and we can all learn on “How to win friends and influence people”.
我们都能从《人性的弱点》中学有所获
Last thing, “11 questions change your life” is a free ebook I put out.
最后 我免费放出《11个改变你生活的问题》的电子书
If you want to answer that, you get more clarity on
如果你想找出答案
just where you’re going, what direction.
就更能明确自己的何去何从
These are the best 11 questions.
这是11个最棒的问题
Thousands of people have done this by now,
很多人现在已经问过自己
and it gets great feedback every single time.
时刻吸引着不少大人物
Alright, next week we are doing, let me grab it,
好了 下周我们要点评的是 我看看
“Rich Dad Poor Dad”, really excited to bring this one out.
《富爸爸穷爸爸》 很高兴拿到这本书
It’s finance book.
金融方面的
I’m excited to go over some of these best ideas with you,
很高兴与大家分享书中的最佳观点
number one personal finance book of all time.
这是我第一本金融方面的书
I’ll see you then.
下次再会
Until then, stop settling, start living.
到那时前 停止安逸 开始生活
See you later.
再会
Clark Danger Stop settling, start living
Check out our next video:
visit us at www.clarkdanger.com
克拉克危险 停止安逸 开始生活